


to sleep, perchance to dream

by charleydear



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27180913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charleydear/pseuds/charleydear
Summary: "Have you ever seen the Doctor, like, go to sleep?" Ryan muttered, his expression equal parts confusion and concern."Dunno, I guess I haven't. Think she goes to bed late and gets up early? Or does she even sleep at all, then?"
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 19
Kudos: 115





	to sleep, perchance to dream

The Doctor was in the TARDIS console room all alone, leaning on the console as she watched the lights pulsing gently. She closed her eyes, listening to the ship's gentle hum, letting herself take a rare moment to rest and be still. 

Her still rather new companions, Yaz, Ryan, and Graham, had gone to sleep about an hour ago, leaving the Doctor to tinker about with the ship. She'd overheard Ryan talking to Yaz on their way out. 

  
_"Have you ever seen the Doctor, like, go to sleep?" he'd muttered, his expression equal parts confusion and concern._

_"Dunno, I guess I haven't. Think she goes to bed late and gets up early? Or does she even sleep at all, then?"_

_"Maybe. She's been sayin' she's an alien, but she don't look like one." Ryan glanced back at the Doctor, who'd feigned ignorance, fiddling with a pair of dials that didn't need any fiddling with._

_Yaz had shrugged, and the pair left down the corridor, out of sight._

  


The Doctor sighed, setting the memory aside. 

Of course she slept. 

Most of the time. 

Sometimes. 

When she could manage it. 

The Doctor could only sleep when she desperately needed to, when her body cried out for rest, or else; when she knew she was too tired for her body to dream. 

The longest she'd gone was four weeks, living on adrenaline alone, dashing about the universe saving lives and righting wrongs, anything to keep her on her feet, running. She'd been Scottish, then. Last face was messy in his mourning, carrying their wedding ring as he ran and ran like it was the most precious thing in the universe but never looking at it. 

She mourned more quietly, now. 

  


The Doctor opened her eyes, reaching a hand to the chain that hung around her neck, usually hidden in her shirts. She pulled it out, running a gentle finger over the ring.

"Oh, River." She whispered reverently. 

The TARDIS hummed in commiseration. 

She'd been awake for five days, around the time when she'd usually finally drop. Running kept her sane, but one can only run for so long before needing to rest. 

The green gem sparkled subtly in the light of the TARDIS. She pressed a soft kiss to the band. 

"What I wouldn't give to have you back in my arms, River Song."

The Doctor spoke her wife's name as if it was the greatest secret in the universe, and it had been. Centuries of running together, of stolen kisses on far-off planets, of spoilers and secrets and smiles for just the two of them. So many years spent with each other that long, long night, so long she'd forgotten how she managed to wander the universe alone. 

  


She hadn't slept well since she left Darillium. 

Laying in their bed felt wrong without River by her side, or at least the promise of River by her side another day in the future. There were no more days. The Doctor knew that, now. 

Her dreams were filled with that other woman, full of mysteries and devotion, and they felt as real as life. Waking each morning felt like dying all over again. 

  


_"Has anyone ever told you that you have such an addictive personality?" River laughed, swirling the ice in her drink. Aged whiskey from Jupiter's seventh moon, left a century in temporally locked barrels deep under the surface, a perennial favorite._

_"No!" The Doctor scrunched her nose, glaring at her full glass. "I don't even like alcohol. Just the-"_

_"Just the ice cubes, I know, sweetie." River smiled fondly, shaking her head. "You know that's not what I mean. You have your own addictions. Running, for one. Trouble, and Time. Drugs like any other, even more powerful, really. And, most of all-"_

_"You." The Doctor's wide eyes met her wife's. "You, River. Always you."_

_"Need your fix?" River chuckled._

_"Yes." The Doctor spoke the word like a vow._

_River leapt into her arms with a laugh._

  


The Doctor rubbed her eyes, still clutching the ring. 

"Must've nodded off for a bit, there, eh?" She mumbled to no one in particular. 

She tucked the ring back into her shirt gently, resting again next to her hearts. 

She nodded, making her way to the corridor. 

"Alright, River," she spoke aloud, sorrow and excitement in equal measure, "where to this time?" 

She walked through the corridor, opening the door she knew led to their bedroom, and sat gently on the side of the bed. 

"The Moon?" She toed her shoes off, dropping them in a pile on the floor with her coat and trousers. 

"Acerlago Prime? New New York?" The Doctor laid her head on her pillow, pulling the comforter over her chin. 

"Darillium?" She closed her eyes, waiting for the dream to overtake her senses. It never took long. 

_"Anywhere."_ River whispered in her ear, _"as long as it's with you."_

**Author's Note:**

> it's 2020 and i love doctor who again. tumblr is @dandywho


End file.
